I couldn't say it better if I tried....

I Stole this from a friend on facebook because I have never seen anything so fitting to my situation.  I thought it was a beautiful expression of every emotion I have in my heart.  I guess it gives me hope that one day everything will work out.

Older than dirt!

So today I got a reality check while waiting on a patient.  There she was this young women standing at my register waiting to pick up a Rx.  I asked her for her birth date to verify I had the right patient and when she replied 1995, reality hit.  I graduated high school in 1996, to technically I could have been her MOTHER.  She was wearing a shirt with the logo of a local restaurant where she apparently worked and obviously drove herself to the store, so she must have a drivers license!  The mirror tells me I have aged, but for some reason this hit home harder than most.  I think most women see themselves age along side their children so they have time to process the reality, but I haven't had that opportunity so I couldn't imagine having a child of that age.  Well, that was my epiphany of the day!

CRAFT DAY!

Jaicie and I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart and bought some craft supplies.  For some reason I felt like "creating" something pretty for Jaicies room.  My mom came over and we had a lot of fun painting and designing the letters in her name!  It was really nice to have a day off to do something fun with Jaicie.



The cutest flower arrangement!

I thought this the was cutest flower arrangement I have ever seen!   I didn't know they could  make flowers look like Shih Tzu's!  Random, yes...but so sweet!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!

I have been following this blog, written my a man who's wife and baby recently died, and it has made me think about all the great blessings I have in my life.  Sometimes we take for granted what we have and expect that they will always be around, but the truth is we never know when our last day is.  I may not have everything I want and I may feel like I am behind the curve on many things in my life, but I do have the important things.  My husband is my best friend...I love spending time with him and I think we make a good team.  The author of that blog wrote something to this effect..."I am not perfect and she was not perfect but together we were perfect."  I thought that was a great way to sum it up.  I may not have children of my own but I think I have grown in my relationship with my step-daughter.  She is 8, almost 9, and I have been in her life since she was 5.  I know it was hard when her Dad and I got together because it had just been him and her for so long.  It was hard for her to share him and I think she had some trust issues.   It was an adjustment for all of us, yet we made it through!  I have always thought of her as my own and though she has a Mom, I know she loves and looks up to me as well.  As we sit on the couch now, she is over there singing Lady Gaga with her headphones on!  I feel like I have come a long way in rebuilding my life here in Idaho.  I am thankful for the career I have today....I was able to build a decent living in a short period of time which allowed me to buy my house and go back to school.  My house is old and we pretty much gutted and re-did the whole thing but I am still proud that I OWN it.  My life is in no way perfect....I could always use more money, better fertility, a bigger house, etc, but I still think it's pretty good!  I am excited to start my program in August and finally get my degree!  I used to pray only for the things I wanted, but now I pray for the ability to find happiness regardless of the circumstance.  I think that I am now in my 30's time has a different meaning.  When I was in my early 20 's I almost felt as if I wasn' t quite grown and time was no object.  Then at 25 I finally felt "adult" and wanted to get a move on with the whole adult lifestyle...meaning, buying a house starting a family etc.  I was able to buy the house but the baby thing wasn't as easy and with one loss and no other pregnancies I was pretty well depressed.  My husband at the time wasn't on the same page and when our marriage ended I felt like an utter failure for many reasons.  I sold the house i loved, left the college I attended and left one of the dogs I raised, to start all over.  So, now at the age of 33 I still feel like I have been unable to fullfill some of those dreams and I can feel the time crunch even more.  But regardless, I am a survivor and I have learned to take the time to enjoy the things I do have these days.  I may have had a bumpy start to finding happiness, but I am thankful the journey was worth it!

Here's to a Good Month!

After almost a decade of trying to conceive, I may have an answer.  I can't say that I am getting my hopes up, but at least it gives me a reason to hold on to the dream!  I am trying to remember all my blessings and not let defeat make me sad.  I have come to terms with the fact that I may never have a child of my own....or at least I think I have until I start taking fertility meds again.  It's hard to fail at something that should be naturally easy.  For an over acheiver like me...it's extra hard. I am reminded daily of how quickly time passes....babies have a way of finding  their way into everyone's life.  I watch even those who have struggled with infertility get pregnant, so I keep telling myself it's bound to happen one day.  But I suppose there is always that 1% who never do and I fear I am that 1%.  If everything is a learning opportunity then I am adequately educated!  Here's to a good month regardless of the outcome!

Two Cute Puppies~

Probably the best shot of the both of them!

It's raining..AGAIN!  I left Washington state 5 years ago and thought I left the rain there!  But, I guess not.  I am ready for a real Idaho summer again.  I am tired of muddy puppies, dirty shoes and feeling trapped in my house :)

8 Things the pharmacy would tell you if they could.....

1.  This isn't Burger King.....don't tell me that your Rx should only take a few minutes because we just slap a label on a bottle or a box.  If you get onions on your hamburger on accident, it won't kill you, but if you get the wrong medication it could.  Speed isn't the only thing that counts.

2.  Don't yell at me because Medicaid requires a prior authorization before they will pay on your medication.  When you get medication that costs HUNDREDS of dollars for FREE, sometimes you have to wait.

3.  The pharmacy bills your insurance as a courtesy, so you need to have your insurance information with you.  We don't have a data base with your policy information.

4.  Doctors often call the WRONG pharmacy when phoning in Rx's. Just because they told you they called it in dosen't mean they called it in to the right place. 

5.  I find it ironic when I get a Rx for Clomid (a fertility med) from a non-english speaking patient with medicaid.....hmmmm.....one more child on welfare...just saying.  I guess it's not up to me to determine how many kids someone should have, but I work and pay my taxes.

6.  Not every generic medication is on the $4 list!  Many generics are still very expensive. Just because your doctor said it was $4 dosen't mean it is...We don't tell our patients what the doctor charges.

7.  Every heard the saying..."You can catch more flies with honey?"  Well, this is true....the nicer you are the more I am willing to help you...the more you yell and cuss I will lower your priority on the list. 

8.  Patient often wonder why they can't use out of state medicaid. Well, the state tax payers pay for those benefits...so of course they aren't going to pay for you to live in Idaho and use Washington medicaid. 

I really love my job, but some days your just want to say whats really on your mind!

AND DID I FAIL TO MENTION.....

they love to dig in the mud!

Silly Shih Tzu's

I raised two dogs in the past but they were nothing like the personality of a Shih Tzu!  Saidie is really smart and doesn't forget a thing.  She knows where her leash is and that shoes mean I am leaving the house.  She knows the cupboard treats come out of and whines at it if she wants one.  She learned to use her doggie door in a few short weeks and can sit, lay and rollover.  She is fearless and barks at the blow dryer and vacuum.  Then I rescued Charlie......at first I thought they removed his voicebox because he didn't make a sound, not even a whimper for the first week.  He was timid and I thought Saidie was gonna walk all over him.  Boy was I wrong. That little boy has a bark that he likes to use when Saidie takes his bone away, he likes to jump on everything and he is stubborn and never forgets!  The other day I caught him on the ottoman in the process of stealing a remote control!  He likes to jump on the chairs to get a better look at whats on the table and more than anything he loves dirty laundry!  Both of them steal dirty clothes off the bathroom floor and take them in the backyard out the dog door.  I have found more pairs of underware and socks than you can imagine on my back lawn and have found more than my share of sticks and tree branches in my living room!  They are definitley full of life and personality and I love them to death!

Blogging about blogging...

I have read some interesting and inspirational blogs lately and so I thought I would start one of my own and see where it takes me....

This year started off on a sad note when my faithful dog of 7 years passed away. Her battle with cancer and final inability to move her hind legs wasn't easy for any of us to endure, but i take comfort in knowing we were able to put her to rest peacefully.  It wasn’t long after she passed away that my friend gave me one of the nicest gifts anyone had ever given me.  She brought me a 3 month old Shih Tzu puppy who was the last of her dog’s litter. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea since I was still grieving Bailey, but my heart opened to the idea when I saw the 4 lb bundle of fluff with pink bows in her hair.  We named her Saidie ( Sader bugs) and she stole our hearts as we worked to train her and welcome her into our home.  She may not have been a human baby, or my Bailey girl, but she was just what I needed at that time.  I immediately got addicted to the breed and we rescued a male puppy a few months later.  He was about 6-7 months and already named Charlie.  I wanted to call him Samson but I was out voted and his name remained the same.  Now we have 2 crazy puppies ruling the house but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Charlie and Jaicie became fast friends and she loves when I call him "her" dog. She is such an animal lover like me and we have finally brought Ryan around to the idea!


It's hard to see Charlie because he is so dark, but he is a sweet little boy.



And Ryan said he wasn't a dog person.....



Jaicie and me on Mother's day and this year my birthday.